Yesterday's answer to the boyfriend's question.

I don't know what made me write today. And i don't know how to start so id probably write anything thats on my mind and maybe later on ill find my way to a nice and pleasing entry.

It all started with one word, one word that always change my mood. For the past couple of weeks i was greatly happy and loved. The feeling of belonging, of being wanted and needed. I felt whole again. Until tonight, her name echoed in the room over dinner, oh please not again.

Its hard to move on, because I'm fighting against his past and not mine which i cant control. What hurts me time and again is that knowing i was the first one, it was me but he choose not to pursue me and continue with her.

Im still human, i can feel the pain. The fear of losing the one i wanted, the one I loved the most. The one that brought me so much joy.

When you realized that you got over the drama, hold on to it. I know I am okay now. I took his advice, not to look back, that what matter is now. Me and him. I trust him but maybe I should learn to add a little bit more. It will always the fear that holds that scoop of trust in me. Until that one move. One last move.

I love you, dearest. Ill always remember your words "there maybe bumbs along the way but we're certainly going there."
And please always remember too that you are my now, my present and im looking forward to being with you til the end of eternity, i mean forever.

Profoundly happy kitty.

PS: Im a little grateful about you being jealous. Hihi. You look cute bebe.

Valentines day is way way far but I feel slightly compelled to write an entry relating to the occasion brought upon by mah emotions mah hopz n mah dreamz.

Next to my birthday, Valentine’s Day is my favorite unofficial holiday, and I never quite understood how some people can be so bitter when it comes to this day. Really, people, if you’re looking for an unofficial holiday to hate, go hate that week that comes after Christmas.

As I am thinking of this day,  I don’t think I’ve ever spent a single Valentine’s Day with a significant other. Like seriously.

I have a very light memory of  my past Valentines days except this year. Pretty much sucked BIG TIME.Or perhaps it’s just me being too needy and clingy and helpless. I must have had ten beers that night on an almost empty stomach but I still had my wits with me when I cabbed it home at 5 in the morning. It’s hard to get drunk drunk when you’re always on your feet. The aftermath is always horrible, though, and I woke up with a beer gut that would put a college fratman to shame. I don’t regret the beer, I regret the meal I wolfed down before I went to bed. And the two meals I once again had, immediately after waking up. All I can do is sigh and make a half-empty promise to myself not to do it again. Right.

I really should learn how to control my alcohol intake but in the company of nutty friends and a broken heart, I tend to let go.


And now when I think about it, I have absolutely nothing to moan about in the love department. And there’s really nothing for me to be sore about: I’m in a wonderful relationship *spakle* *spakle* with a wonderful man (who treats me like a spoiled brat).

PS: Im crossing my fingers for next year. Please Lord let it be the first with the lover.

I leave you with a qoutation quite fitting today.

Don't let yesterday make you forget all the happiness you deserve today.